The journey begins

I was sitting on the couch reading one day when suddenly I had the idea to go peek at my hubby while he was taking a shower. I ignored it at first, not because I didn't enjoy looking at my husband, but because I thought he'd want to have sex. And it's not that I didn't like to have sex; I just didn't like my body. And having sex meant having to undress my body. Because, you know, if I don't uncover it, then I don't have to think about it, right? But I couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to go peek at the hubster's package.

So I got off my blessed assurance and went to the back of the house. I stood on the toilet lid and looked over the top of the shower door. I was expecting him to smile, say something macho, or puff out his chest. But he didn't do any of those things. In fact, he didn't know what to do.

So say it was awkward would be putting it mildly. It's not that he didn't like me coming in there to look at him; it's just that I'd never done that before. But things were about to change; big time. I spent a lot of time thinking about what kind of sex life I wanted and whether what I was doing was going to get me there. And so began a journey of changing beliefs, behaviors, and body image.